- long emo ranting post ahead, skip if you don't love me-

Time is running out, I so wish that I have the ability to freeze time. Or have the ability to delete things away like how you can delete your Plurks. Because I always do things that I regret .. I think it's affecting me a lot, like, a whole new level of affecting. If that even makes sense that is.

Come to think of it, families eat dinner together, go fishing together, take pictures together in Botanic Garden (don't ask me why, it's just a family place). Sit in their little family car together, eat together, drink together, laugh over trivial matters, have vacations together. Wait for dad to come home together. Cut birthday cakes together.
Great, my family's all about politics, money and we converse through letters and emails and a guy in his 2 piece suit with his secretary. If you just labeled me as a little emo kid ranting about her dysfunctional family, this is a big F you to you.

I don't think I can work under pressure, but I NEED to work under pressure. Somehow or rather, I need to curb this. I have absolutely no idea why I've been thinking a lot (yes, I friggin admit that I don't usually exercize my brain -_-). I've been thinking of worst case scenarios if I happen to flunk badly for O'Levels (though quite impossible if I continue to mug). Still, I've got times when I just space out and wonder what the heck am I doing with my life, I'm not under-achieving, I'm not achieveing a lot and I don't really know what I really want (k I really want a lavish lifestyle and an ever expanding bank account to support it) bah, I can see you rolling your eyes already. Many a times, I really really feel like a directional-retard speck of dust. Really, just a speck of dust.

I think the fever has gotten to my brains and fried it as well. Though I am feeling like crap and I can't do anything productive, I tried very hard to plant my arse down to do some planning .. that was until Mr. JayWalk told me about his old podcasts and I laughed like siao whilst listening to it albeit having hunger pangs. Gah, I don't want to regret my decisions. Hell, I also don't want to bother people with my incessant questioning (which usually makes no sense at all), I dislike being a burden. But I'm so indecisive and scatter-brain at the same time and because of the fact that I'm SUCH an indecisive and scatter-brain person .. I think that I need some help from my friends at times, like reminding me this and that and what not ; and yet, I do not like to depend on others. Oh, the irony of being me.

I really don't know what I want. But I do know what I will get in return if I put in effort! ie. Year end shopping craze at HK with momo (I really hope this comes true, lemme tell ya, 5 days in HK is enough for me,I think ... I shop around the clock, non stop) and ultimately, results. Nothing beats good results, I think. *lets out a mega huge sigh* But no work no results. Gah ..

I wish that the uncles downstairs will STOP laughing like mad cows, damn annoying. Just barbeque your darn food and shutehellup .

OHWELL, gotta pick myself up soon, eat shitloads of Vitamin C. Long busy and hectic week ahead .. Oh boy, all the medicine been making my hands quiver like mad.

Labels: emo femo nemo