Let Me Go - Nouvelle Vague

Whining post ahead. Turn back! Turn back! Before the it actually dampens your mood.

I don't know if it's the weather or something else. There's just something tugging at the heart strings, squishing my stomach, giving me this queasy feeling all the time. I am still crossing roads without thinking or checking out traffic. Every time I wait whilst hailing a cab to go home, I keep thinking of thoughts that I can never put together.

I just keep thinking and thinking but I don't even know what I'm thinking about. Wtf? *slaps self*

Been really lazy and chor lor recently, I don't really bother about image anymore. It's been a long time since I carried the same bag to school for so long. I want to find the gray suede bag out. I guess it's that time again, that same time when I told him I just, well, changed. Changed into someone that I cannot comprehend. I've lost that spunk that I used to have, I have lost quite a bit of confidence in myself... Sometimes, I think I allow people to see through me and I don't really like that.

It's like I'm searching for something unknown. I guess I need a change, some sort of guidance. Ironically, I don't like to be looked after. Gah, I don't know. Screw you.

And there is not a day, not one. freaking. day, I can pass without hearing the mention of matters along the line of *that* and *that* and *this*, I'm sick of typing e-mails to someone I don't know.

I think I'm growing older, I'm easily annoyed, my pet peeves list ridiculously grew so long that it shocks me. I cannot drink red bull anymore even when I'm drop dead tired beyond words because my hands will start shaking and my heart beat will just keep increasing ... and increasing ......

Adding on, I'm fat. Yes, I am fat. I don't feel like doing anything about it.

I keep studying and studying but nothing gets in. So how? When I finish a chapter, I cannot recall the first few pages of work. Secondary school is just a pain in the arse to get through, seriously, what have you learnt in the textbooks that you applied in work? Nadah.

Someone told me to make use of the time to forge as much awesome friendships as possible. The thing is, there's only that many people 我看的顺眼 and vice versa. There's only that much people that can tolerate my bluntness, that mouth which cannot stop spewing vulgarities, drinks redbull whenever deemed possible and whines non stop about chairperson sai kangs.

I am REALLY thankful for my friends, really. Those who can tahan me. You all know who you guys are lar. Don't need to say out. The ones I dream big dreams with.

I want to continue to whine and whine till this blog post has a scroll bar. But I'm going to head back to my Chemistry notes. Practical examinations tomorrow, dreading the quarantine sessions to NO end.

Is it me, or do the Barflies eat at lightning speed. Diu diu diu.

Labels: barflies, life, whine