Picking flowers in the early hours.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Blind - Lifehouse

Extremely long post ahead .

I have had this song on my computer for the longest time but haven't gotten the chance to listen to it, until Robin told me about it.I like this song, quite alot ... Not in the best of moods today because there's just so much to do in the slightest space of time. The moon has been pretty over the past few days (although I've missed the red moon thing) and Meaner agrees.

You see, the thing is. People are constantly trying to either, make the best out of you, or create life living hell for you. It's just how life turns. One day you'll enjoy building joy out on another's misery and another day you'll be getting thrashed to pulp. I shall not sound like I'm trying to instill anything into nothing so I'll just .. abruptly end this line of rant . -insert WTF face here-

I don't really care about how people view me, how I dress (okay, maybe I do) or .. what are my first impressions on others unless the other party is someone of significance. I've grown to accept that it's a dog eat dog world and if you're not sensible enough, you'll just crash there and then. I've grown to accept that you will only succeed if you're the cream of the cream-est crops around. So if you aren't, just stfu and accept defeat.

I can't be bothered with people who go around to instigate, dictate and exclaiming whatever to the entire universe. Somehow, bottling up sometimes will bring more harm than good. What's the xucking point of telling the entire world how you feel and what's going through your mind when you just .. want to " let it out " .Looks like a case of slapping myself because I am currently blogging my thoughts down.

Oh, the irony. Whatever .

Seriously, the world doesn't revolve around you and I love, love, love to use this phrase because it's by far the most self explanatory and .. constructive phrase, evar. I am tired of people trying to bring others down, blaming others, hating teachers, hating the world, etc.

The comforting thing is, O'levels are nearing, okay, not so comforting.At least it's one step closer to leaving secondary school. Then everybody will be ranting and going on and on about how Secondary school life can never be comparable to Polytechnic school life. Face it, I don't really give a shit about comparing. No two things will ever be the same. Secondary school is this world saturated with foolish mistakes, puerile behaviours, I'm-going-to-call-my-little-army-of-gangsters-to-beat-the-shit-out-of-you, rules that nobody bothers to conform to and what not. I shan't disagree on the fact that the friends you make in secondary school are probably the ones who share the most interest with you and will probably (and hopefully) be sticking throughout. Polytechnic life may be more interesting due to the liberty you have most of the time, discipline is key but I wouldn't know, it may be the most enjoyable period of my life, or the most depressing. Nobody knows .

Friends are nothing permanent. I've seen soo much, not to sound like bleedy experienced friend professional or what-not. Best friends bitch about best friends when best friends aren't in the presence of one another. Srsly, I love the relationship between my friends because sometimes, we just talk it out on MSN and tell one another about our negative attitude(s). It's easier on MSN because when we do it face to face, we are sure to deny the shit out of everything and nothing ever gets resolved.

Sometimes, when you try to instill an idea into someone and if you think that it isn't working. Get the hell up and move the fuck on .All you can do is to be there for your friend, when that friend needs help or assistance of any kind.

And there are those whom will only come running to you with arms wide open, loving phrases and sweet nothings, only when they need you.

Honestly speaking, I know that I can be extremely hurtful, rude and impatient at .. most of the times. Can't blame me, I got it from the parental. Entire family is extremely impatient when it comes to .. well, almost everything. I speak my mind and nobody can stop me from doing so. It beats being extremely superficial yes? This is why there's only a handful of people whom can tolerate me (I hope I'm right). Sometimes, when I find out that someone I know decides to put me under the Hate list, I'll just ignore the entire hoo-haa about friendship. Kinda sad because, I've lost the ability to treasure and appreciate friends.

Frankly, most of the time, I just want to sit cosily in my comfort zone and interact with people that I can only converse and convey my ideas too. Sad to say, I can't afford to loose the ability to treasure, appreciate and adapt to strangers because, yet again, in other to survive, you need to do shit that you don't like.

I've been having extremely grotesque, torturing and deadly punishments to people I don't like running through my mind. I'd wish the worst for someone that I extremely .detest/abhor/hate. I can't even explain how much I'd wish I can shut some people up but .. as Shawn said, "just say : I'll never wish bad, but I'll never wish good either." So, thus, henceforth, hence, the aforementioned phrase shall be deeply embedded in my head, for good.It's just more humane this way, isn't it ?

I'd love to go through any phase without regretting things that I've done. Regret is one of the deadliest emotion to live with, on a long term basis or short, imo. I can't imagine living with this pang of guilt in my stomach forever .. apparently, I don't think many people cares about this feeling.I'd say, kudos to my upbringing, I take much of my actions into consideration, or at least, I've grown to take account for my actions . I'm proud of that because, I wouldn't want to be known to be someone who lives off my parent's riches, scream, bawl and lie straight on the floor when I don't get what I want .. or whatever that lies between those lines.

Mr. Eric Koh gave an account of a parent who disallowed his son to consume a cup of cold, carbonated drink at night, he probably thought that it'd trigger a cough or something. His son managed to scream, cry and threw tantrums all the way to the parking lot which was of a distance from the hawker centre. Mysteriously, after appearing from the parking lots again, the father brought his son to the drinks stall to purchase that cup of oh-so-heavenly additives infused cup of gassy colouring.

Srsly, wtf was his father thinking. Told momo about this incident and she was like, "I have never, ever, allowed you and Ben (my brother) to buy this kind of rubbish, let alone drink this kind of rubbish. You and Ben also never throw your tantrum throw until like that ... I would have kill you there lah." Which reminded me of Pam, who PROUDLY tells us if her future child cries like that, she'll slap the living hell out of her child. Not a very nice scene to picture but, I think it's for the benefits of the child !

Momo told me quite a lot of stories of my childhood when I was on her bed with Boston. She told me that she practically raised Ben and I with her own 2 hands. Which touched me quite a lot. Dr. Lam help momo a lot as well .I'm just extremely thankful that I've been raised well although my mother didn't teach me much chinese so I'm like suffering now. Can't ignore the fact that she brought up my brother well and didn't go as harsh as she did on my brother because, I was, still am her daughter ('nuff said) I'm younger and I guess she didn't want me to suffer like my brother did. Now, I wished she drilled me for abacus as she did for my brother.

I should probably end this right now in case I keep going on and on and I'll successfully and conveniently ignore the stack of chinese exam papers, screaming for me to scribble on them. I won't even go into how much time there is left for the first major paper. It's like going to happen in 10 minutes.

Meaner just came back from a 2 hour run. Random .

******

Rules of the Taggy Quiz:

A] People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B] Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Here are my answers:

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be ?
I'll just stare at him and probably flick him the finger and hope he dies from a STD .

#2. If you can have a dream fulfilled, what would it be ?
To have all my dreams fulfilled .

#3. What will your dream wedding be like ?
Black tones wherever possible .

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you ?
Quite .

#5. What's your ideal lover like ?
Someone who takes me for who I am .

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone ?
They're both equally blessed.

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love ?
I hate waiting, so I'll not wait .

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do ?
Nothing .I won't like someone who is already attached.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days ?
Loads, but I refuse to let them get in my way, because I am of higher standards and obviously more superior and sophisticated than those who tries to bring me down .

#10. What do you want most in life ?
Woah, big big question .

#11. Is being tagged fun ?
It can get pretty annoying when they keep coming and coming.

#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time ?
I'll be 27 years old, I'll use the damn mirror .

#13. What would you like to witness in ten years time?
Aurora Borealis .

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is ?
Jeremy Wong .Annoying, noisy, tall, annoying, but all in all a good annoying noisy tall fat friend .

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor ?
Single and rich .Because when you're poor in a marriage, everything sucks .

#16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be ?
A HOBBES, like Calvin and Hobbes kind of Hobbes.A jaguar, lynx, dinosaur, alligator, big brown bear,polar bear cub, cheetah .. etc .

#17. What are one of those things which you would prefer not to do ?
Getting pissed off .

#18. What kind of person do u think u are ?
Rude .

#19. What do you define as a bad day ?
When murphy laws attack .

#20. If you have to choose between friends and loved ones. Who would come first?
I have no fucking idea .

I was tagged by Jeremy.
Next targets : Robin ?Elize ?Whoever? Aiyah don't need to do lah .

Labels: emo femo nemo, heartfelt, meme

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