Friday I'm In Love - The Cure

(cannot help it, got a tendency to leave my music on loop)
No idea why but, as my title suggests. A huge emo tsunami just struck me and yes, the aftermath is not veli nice. Don't read this if you don't like lengthy posts. (Hui! Long post hor, cannot read! Hurhur). Very /wristdrinkwhiskeyeatvalium kind of post.

Dear Lao Bei,
Few days back I read about Pam's update about her dad (see, I got mention you). I miss being Daddy's little girl. Although you haven't been around for God knows how many years. I still do have a littttttttle bit of sadness lingering around. Cannot help it what, can't be as heartless as I thought I am. Kor just randomly said that he probably seen you 5 or 6 times in 2 years. Then .. I should see you even lesser since kor always drives out to meet you.

I think the last time we had dinner together was 5 years ago? We had dinner at the Japanese super dark restaurant in Paragon and I think that was it. When we were young (read : 3 or 4) we always had dinner at Dragon City (龙城) at Copthorne Orchird almost every week and the manager saw Kor and I grow up. We stopped going because .. we just stopped. We used to had huge Japanese feasts at Prince Hotel in JB as well. No more and darn, the food was real good. You used to say RM600 was nothing to you because it made us happy.

I rememeber when I was extremely young. I kept watching 古惑仔/super violent gangster cantonese movies with you all the time. I used to think/hope that you were mafia gang leader of some kind. Because in such movies, they usually treat their daughters like precious gems.

Till today, my report book only has mii's signature. The 'Father's signature' line is still left blank. How long has it been?

I used to count the amount of 'KNN !! ' you say into the phone. And made you smoke outside the other house because I really hated cigarette smell and when you quitted, I was so elated. Sorry but .. just to let you know. I learnt 'CB face' from you. Remember one of your workers decided to skip his whole M.O.M procedures and landed you in deep shit? I still remember Uncle Ah Tee, your trusty right hand man (or is it left?) and your secretaries. Your long term workers and your drivers ..

I used to go to your Sembawang office to look at the little birds and stray animals you keep.

The times I see you sums up to less than 6 .. Wao. 'Cause I'm very swa-ku. I just see what Dad's normally do with their daughters on TV. I recently saw the Family.sg commercial and I was wondering if my dad bought me shoes before. Umm, no. Not that I am exactly bothered because I can buy my own heels.

I have only shopped/walked with you alone once. Once. If my memory didn't fail me. I think we were shopping overseas at Burberry Prorsum (we were in slippers and shorts), you were looking at suits and ties. I saw a cute skirt but I didn't buy it because the price tag was just way too overwhelming although you insisted that I should get it . I think that was it. We went fishing together 2 times. Umm that's why I used to and still like fishing.

Some people have dads and god-dads, and please, I'm not talking about those you meet in school and randomly pick any older ahbeng to be your gan-daddy or whatever the kns. Cool beans.

Sometimes, just sometimes. I wished that I have a real dad. Someone who'd put food on the table, ask how my school went, tell me what boys I shouldn't be hanging out with, telling me that I mean the world to him and such. Isn't that what all dads do. I don't like empty talk, yes, my dad can text me stuff to encourage/send e-mails and such but .. it's so .. technology-ish. I can't even find a word to describe it. I also want someone to stop the fight when a quarrel erupts at home, even if it's just a grunt or a "不要吵!!", I also happy leh. I'm not asking for a lot. Just to stick to the people you love .. that's all what? Is that a lot?

Why do you keep saying that you are broke when we can find out what you have? Oh btw, we found quite a lot of your stuff through the lawyers, hur hur? Your shares are making monies and .. I srsly don't think I'm spending a lot. You should see how mii and I uesd to shop at KL, I think you'll go crazy. Then again, you know. Because I collect paper bags and you asked why I had so much paper bags and I just blatantly told you that this is the amount of things I buy.

Nevermind. It'll all be over soon and I'll be hating you again (as usual). *Shrugs*
This is just me, I can't change it.
I do hope that my mindset changes in the future. Really.

Labels: emo femo nemo, family, heartfelt